Caregiving model: living with an elderly parent in your home

To ending
From Onset

The Caring Generation, with host Pamela D. Wilson: Living With Elderly Parents Radio Show

https://pameladwilson.com/living-with-elderly-parents-the-caring-generation/

This is a great program for anyone thinking about having an elderly parent move into their home. Pamela Wilson provides information to discuss and consider prior to making a commitment of this magnitude. 

In-home caregiving is the model my husband and I undertook to provide care for his mother. Our arrangement had one major difference:  I assumed the role of primary caregiver as a daughter-in-law.  Our experience is detailed in What to Do about Mama?  

Although our caregiving situation had a number of positives, there was also more difficulties than we ever foresaw. I am highlighting those points because they have the most significant application to the disintegration of our caregiving arrangement.

  • Although we discussed the arrangement extensively with all family members beforehand, we did not establish firm parameters of shared responsibility in a formal, written, and a notarized agreement.
  • We made sacrifices above and beyond what the others were willing to do, which eventually led to resentment.
  • We did not realize how much sharing our home would change our spousal relationship.
  • Unanticipated details surrounding the situation can create unforeseen complications.
  • We underestimated escalating needs, which increased the scope of responsibilities.  Neither did we fully anticipate the number of years involved with providing care.
  • We did not recognize the differences in our family cultures, which led to serious misunderstandings. 
  • Over time, caregiving can become a trap that can undermine the adult child-parent relationship, as well as relationships with other family members.
  • Caregiving can be very long-term. We did not prepare a contingency plan for if and when the arrangement became unmanageable. 
Remember:  Do not enter a live-in caregiving arrangement lightly. 



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