Mother-Daughter Relationships

See the July 20, 2020 Easy Living article 10 Conversation Starters to Help Strengthen Your Mother-Daughter Relationship When Mom’s Older

http://www.feedspot.com/?dadi=1#feed/fof_fo_1345863__f_4799823/article/6300701855?dd=4311523162705306

OK.  Here’s the thing.  As with most caregiving articles, the writer approaches the topic from the perspective of the caregiver.  But has anyone ever considered that the difficulty, or conflict, might not originate with the aging parent? 

Yes, I agree.  Mother-daughter relationships can be

• very close, with daily talking
• good, but with less daily interaction
• strained

I also agree that the dynamics of a relationship can change, and that caregiving can certainly create a strain.  However, strain can also develop before an aging parent has caregiving needs. Changes in the parent-child roles are a significant factor.  

I can attest to the fact that losing the positive sides of the mother-daughter relationship can be everything from disappointing to painful.  But I disagree that when a relationship falters, it is all because of the aging parent. 

The article points out that having a good conversation can relieve tension. It goes on to list ten conversation starting suggestions.   But it is not the questions themselves that really matter—it is the premises they are based upon that count.  The questions:

• seek out wisdom from her experiences
• are a reminder to both mother and daughter about what Mom has to offer
• show respect for Mom as a person with valuable contributions 

My message:

• Mothers:  It is important for your daughters to run their own lives.
• Daughters:  there’s no need to feel threatened by every remark your mother makes.

 My experience:

• It is no fun to feel marginal and irrelevant.
• We would all like to be respected and valued.

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