Emotional Conflict

From Mom & Dad Care March 9, 2014 blog entry: It Always Ends The Same Way

Wow! You travel 1500 miles every 3-4 weeks to visit your mother? Talk about long-distance caregiving! Have you ever considered moving your mother to live by you? That’s what we did with my MIL who lived in New Port Richey, FL. It’s all documented in my book “What to Do about Mama?” Thank you for following my blog of the same name.

As you said in “About Me” your younger sister only sees your mother occasionally. When siblings don’t meet your expectations, it really can stoke the anger element. That was a really big issue for me because I was caring for a mother-in-law full-time in my home (and quit my job to do so). So kudos to you for figuring out that your sister’s behavior was sapping your time and energy, and just wasn’t worth it. Honestly, my anger over the issue was eating me up.

I can see that you are a prolific blogger–and really good at it, too. Blogging is something I do only begrudgingly to promote my book. Our objectives, however, are the same: relating experiences, and sharing with others so that we will all learn something about the care of our aging parents.

In your March 9, 2014 blog entry: It Always Ends The Same Way you state: “In the meantime, I know I am doing everything I can for her, but deep inside hope that there is some synchronicity with the expiration of her Long Term Insurance plan in 4 years and her own path. You guessed it; I hate myself for that sometimes.”

As caregivers, we have to remember that we are only human. Here is an excerpt from my book which addresses the same concept:

“The spiritual advisor visited later in the week, and David came home from work to be a part of the discussion. When the spiritual advisor tactfully asked Mom if she had ever considered stopping treatment, she said she was not going to stop her heart medication. All I could think of were Mom’s previous comments, which began running through my head: “My goal is to live to 100. It’s all in your attitude. I don’t want to miss anything. I just keep plodding along.” To be honest, the thought that ran through my mind was, “Is there no end in sight?” But, I had made a commitment to provide for her care. It now just felt like a hopeless situation.” pp.24-25.

Barbara Matthews




Mom & Dad Care

As I make yet another trip to Ft. Myers to mark the first anniversary of my dad’s passing, I need to try to break the pattern that has emerged each trip.

First, it is difficult to believe a year has passed. All the firsts without him that will ease with time. I miss him, and I feel both his absence and his presence at the same time. Since I will be overseas on the actual day, I’m flying down to Ft. Myers a week early to go to his favorite restaurant.

These monthly dinners have a pattern, and that pattern has to do with my sister’s lack of emotional connection.

We go to dinner, my sister and her family have cross conversation–never involving my mom–and my mom cries about it on the way home. 

“What did I do wrong as a mother?”

“Why do they treat me as if I’m…

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