A Guide to Caring for Aging Family Members

Posts tagged ‘excuses’

It’s in the Book!

As I said under “Personal Caregiving Stories” above, the purpose of this blog is to discuss caregiving experiences, many of which are addressed in “What to Do about Mama?” Let me be more specific.

I am a baby boomer, not a Gen X’er, Millennial, or a “new silent.”
(I just looked that one up.) I think this means Baby Boomers prefer to communicate by talking or writing (letters or e-mail). Personally, I don’t usually text, or Facebook (although many in my generation do), or blog.

I was a caregiver for 7 years.

I wrote a book.

I didn’t write the book to make money. My objective was to offer insights to other caregivers or potential caregivers based on the hindsight of experienced caregivers. But to get the word out, people have to read the book.

So, I now Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whattodoaboutmama
and blog: http:/www.bgmatthewsblog.wordpress.com
and maintain a half-dozen other media accounts.

And so far, to be honest, I really don’t like it. I get frustrated with the technology, and discouraged when I feel my information just

falls
into
a
bottomless
pit.

But I keep on trying.

Yesterday I explored a caregiving site: http://www.agingcare.com. And once again, as I read it I thought: “It’s in the book!”

I really don’t want to rewrite my book on-line. Nor do I want to create a lot of new material–but just publicize the existing material. So, I’m going to try (once again) to reference some really good information (by the AgingCare people) to my book, “What to Do about Mama?” and hope that folks both young and old will decide they want to learn more about caregiving by reading the book so that they will be more-prepared when their time inevitably comes.

Top 3 Excuses From Siblings Who Don’t Help With Caregiving
by Carol Bradley Bursack”

1. “I don’t have time.”
• This excuse is probably the most often used reason for not helping out. The implication in this excuse is that you, the person who has taken on the role of primary caregiver, do have time.
• “What to Do about Mama?” p. 13: “You don’t understand the pressures of our jobs.”

2. “I don’t have the Money.”
• Let’s say you have a brother in a distant state who says he’d be happy to help out by paying for some respite care for you, the caregiver, but he just doesn’t have the money. Maybe he’s right. He doesn’t have the money. But there are other ways he can help, if he actually wants to.
• “What to Do about Mama?” p. 93: I believe my mother feels we were much better off financially than my stepsister and stepbrother (so less was expected from them).

3. “I Can’t Bear to See Mom/Dad Like That”
• They think you like it? Day after day you watch the decline. You help them with everything, including very intimate day-to-day functions, such as toileting. Do your siblings think this step has been easy for you?
• “What to Do about Mama?” p. 15: My mother-in-law’s decline was especially difficult for my brother-in-law; his wife made a point to express this to me very specifically. He had no confidence in his ability to be alone with her. With tears in his eyes, he told me that he saw himself as the “last bastion of propriety” in his relationship with his mother. I did understand how difficult it is to watch a loved one’s decline; his brother, after all, faced it every day. I felt, however, that was not an acceptable excuse for not assuming responsibility.

Barb Matthews

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