Caregiving model: living with an elderly parent in your home
Posted: May 1, 2020 Filed under: Assuming Caregiving Responsibilities, Caregiving--Positives and Negatives, Impact on Family Relationships | Tags: Caregiving contingency plans, caregiving resentment, caregiving sacrifices, caregiving trap, differences in family cultures, disintegration of caregiving arrangement, in-home caregiving model, in-law caregiver, long-term caregiving, Pamela Wildon, scope of caregiving responsibilities, shared responsibility, spousal relationship and caregiving, the care receivers escalating needs, unforeseen complications of caregiving Leave a comment
The Caring Generation, with host Pamela D. Wilson: Living With Elderly Parents Radio Show
https://pameladwilson.com/living-with-elderly-parents-the-caring-generation/
This is a great program for anyone thinking about having an elderly parent move into their home. Pamela Wilson provides information to discuss and consider prior to making a commitment of this magnitude.
In-home caregiving is the model my husband and I undertook to provide care for his mother. Our arrangement had one major difference: I assumed the role of primary caregiver as a daughter-in-law. Our experience is detailed in What to Do about Mama?
Although our caregiving situation had a number of positives, there was also more difficulties than we ever foresaw. I am highlighting those points because they have the most significant application to the disintegration of our caregiving arrangement.
- Although we discussed the arrangement extensively with all family members beforehand, we did not establish firm parameters of shared responsibility in a formal, written, and a notarized agreement.
- We made sacrifices above and beyond what the others were willing to do, which eventually led to resentment.
- We did not realize how much sharing our home would change our spousal relationship.
- Unanticipated details surrounding the situation can create unforeseen complications.
- We underestimated escalating needs, which increased the scope of responsibilities. Neither did we fully anticipate the number of years involved with providing care.
- We did not recognize the differences in our family cultures, which led to serious misunderstandings.
- Over time, caregiving can become a trap that can undermine the adult child-parent relationship, as well as relationships with other family members.
- Caregiving can be very long-term. We did not prepare a contingency plan for if and when the arrangement became unmanageable.
Remember: Do not enter a live-in caregiving arrangement lightly.
What to Do about Mama? 